Man Named Moore Opposes King With Many Wives

Satire                                                                                                                                                         

Once upon a time there was a king who knew what he wanted. Bombastic, paunchy and orange, the king was born with a silver spoon in his mouth—a classy spoon, a whole set of cutlery, in fact, the best spoons. The orange king was flexible, changeable, a really strong man. If the king didn’t get what he wanted, he didn’t care if it meant splitting the Christian world in half, he’d get it done.

The king had a difficult relationship with his wife, largely because he was tired of just having one. “We’re gonna split up,” he said. “Maybe we’ll build a wall between us—it’ll be a yuge divorce, I mean, really big, a great divorce. We’re gonna make divorce great again.” So that’s what the king did, discarding his first wife and marrying his mistress. Even then, the king was not satisfied and sought a third, model wife. “I can’t help it, they like me. Alpha males have lots of wives,” said the king. Classy!

But the king’s policies were not universally adored. The pope across the sea frowned on the king’s actions, feeling that he should work to promote unity instead of making divorce great again. He described the king’s wall-building as “not Christian,” and warned against division.

The faithful, on the other hand, supported the king. A toadying man with a repetitive name offered to sell his soul for the king’s favor—turning his back on his principles and earning the hatred and pity of his fellow men.

Meanwhile, the king’s most loyal servant, a hard-bitten political hatchet-man, sought to please the orange monarch with his vicious realpolitik skills. The hatchet-man used thuggery and the threat of violence to suppress dissent among the king’s subjects and sympathized with the king’s desire to confiscate private property to increase his coffers. But the hatchet-man was not sufficiently devoted to his lord and master, and therefore fell from favor, ousted by a council of his enemies.

He wasn’t the only one, because there were traitors among the king’s subjects. Nasty people with no hearts—especially the man called Moore. A major figure among religious conservatives (a.k.a losers), Moore opposed the king’s plans, standing for antiquated notions of fidelity and morality.

“What are you upset about?” the king asked. “I’m here to protect you people—I’m here to protect Christianity. Everywhere, every day bad people—I think, I might have read somewhere the devil’s behind it. I say sue him. That’ll wipe that grin off his face. You don’t want me to sue him? You wanna give the devil benefit of law?”

“For my own safety’s sake!” Moore countered.

The king roared. “Sounds like a beta male to me! Whaddaya expect? You expect Utopia? You’re a servant. Sad!”

“I am the king’s good servant,” Moore conceded, “but God’s first.”

                                                                                                                                                                   

A Man for All Seasons:

More: What would you do? Cut a great road through the law to get after the devil?

Roper: I'd cut down every law in England to do that.

More: Oh, and when the last law was down, and the devil turned on you, where would you hide, Roper, all the laws being flat? This country is planted thick with laws from coast to coast, man's laws not God's, and if you cut them down -- and you're just the man to do it -- do you really think that you could stand upright in the winds that would blow then? Yes, I'd give the devil the benefit of the law, for my own safety's sake.



UPDATE:

In an interview with the Hollywood Reporter, Steve Bannon said:

"Darkness is good," says Bannon, who amid the suits surrounding him at Trump Tower, looks like a graduate student in his T-shirt, open button-down and tatty blue blazer — albeit a 62-year-old graduate student. "Dick Cheney. Darth Vader. Satan. That's power. It only helps us when they" — I believe by "they" he means liberals and the media, already promoting calls for his ouster — "get it wrong. When they're blind to who we are and what we're doing.".... 

"I am," he says, with relish, "Thomas Cromwell in the court of the Tudors." 

Longish